After reading through all the stories here, one thing that strikes me is the large proportion of husbands being unfaithful to the marriage. The story of each betrayed wife maybe different [or similar to a certain extent] but one thing is for sure – the hurt and pain brought upon the wives and family is immersed in every story.
Likewise, I am one of them and I am still in a betrayed marriage [for past one and a half year]. From a very different perspective, I would like to plead to any single [especially woman] who is attracted to a married person, please step back and spare a thought for the family whom you are breaking up. Life is never a constant. You may enjoy a moment of folly for now…
But years later, will this still stay the same? It will not. Chances are such stolen relationship will evolve and the tide may turn against you. But the hurt you have done to the family stays forever. The fault-line in the marriage that you have indirectly created will stay forever. When a third party single woman begins to love a married man, I do not know how much these words can sink into them though.
However, if there is any possibility, PLEASE do not let emotion rule over your moral value. Think about it happening to your sister or even mother. Please return the married man to his rightful family, regardless if there is any existing issue in their home. It is not your job to fix their issues.
I am not sure if these words will reach anyone who plans to go against a marriage. But I do hope that it will touch even one or two souls in this world wide web and also hopeful that the Geniee who seduced my husband will read it too.
If you have reached this website, chances are you are having some marital strife in your personal space. Looking for an avenue to diminish the pain. Understandably, the emotional pain that comes along when a man change his heart is beyond what a normal human being can bear.
Many well-meaning friends will advise you to let it go and not let him rule over your life. When you are in this predicament, this is not the best advice to give. Firstly, by trying to oversimplify the problem, the wife will feel more unjust as no one is on her side. Secondly, by oversimplifying the problem, you are not acknowledging the pain the betrayed wife is dealing with.
This person needs a lot of emotional support 24/7. Primarily, you will not know when the infidel husband will snap as they find their wife bothersome and hindering his way to experience “love and fun”. A husband who has changed his heart will turn into a mean monster lashing at the wife verbally or even physically. Heartless.
As a new woman enters the life of a married man, the dynamics at home change invariably from one of love to hate. The love is no longer there for this lady whom you once taken a wedding vow to care for her “for better or worse”. In every waking moment, each party will be hyper-vigilant.
One trying hard to avoid. Another trying hard to catch. It becomes a meaningless marriage instantly.
Life has become a roller coaster. Many have shared about their lowest point in life. I can relate to many stories already shared on this page. Hence, I will not want to add one more soapy tale to it. Trust me, my betrayal experience is not any easier than what many have shared. Instead, I would like to inject some “positivity” amidst such trying time.
I will not say that I was able to put up a strong front all the time since the discovery of the third party’s presence. But I know the right thing to do now is brave myself up for the sake of my two wonderful children. No matter what happens, I still need to feed them, physically and morally. Definitely, they are my pivotal force. Given this, beyond the death of this marriage, I still constantly remind myself to live a more meaningful life without my significant other.
One avenue I sought is to speak to people who have gone through similar experiences. Depending on which route you would like to take, divorce or not to divorce, there will always be someone who has taken a similar path as you. If you plan to divorce, look for a friend or someone whom you know took this route. If you plan to forgive and hang on for the sake of your children, look for that forgiving lady who has successfully stayed on amidst the tough journey.
The objective is to speak to someone who is aligned with your intent. Life is already messy enough, do not add more confusion by talking to someone who offer advice from the opposite pole. In your weakest moment, their words will be your strength. Everything happens for a reason. Likewise, the decision you took many years ago and the friends you met along the way some how will become apparent. You never knew the purpose of their existence in life until something hits you. Look for that guardian angel God sent to you unknowingly.
Do not be embarrassed to seek help. From family, friends or even the society at large. During this period of time, energy level is very low. You need a lot of support 24/7. Go out take a walk, call someone, cry your heart out. Connect to people whom you can trust. Not just simply broadcasting your family problem like a CNA newscaster.
There are just too many apathetic nosey people who do not add value to your pain. With the loss of your significant other, you still need to live and laugh as a human with emotion. Honestly, this is not easy as you do not know when you muster enough energy. Do not over commit. But ensure you try to find meaning in life from a different perspective. You know yourself better. Look for people or activities that can give you a new meaning in your life.
Photos or any memories from yester-years can be a killer. It will arouse the thoughts of “wish we could be back to those good old moments”. Snap out of it. Stash those away for the moment as it will not help. The fact is those moments will not come back no matter how much you say or show to a husband whose heart has strayed. To minimize my pain, I am trying very hard to live in the moment and for the future.
In such trying time, having faith in a religion helps me to overcome those darkest and loneliest nights. I understand perfectly how some silence can be deafening especially when you are not able to talk to someone who has shared your life before. Personally, I found solace when I am constantly able to “speak to someone” and at times, revelation happens. I found hope when my prayer has been answered each time.
When a man has changed his heart, no amount of words or anger you present to him will make any sense. All of sudden, he became a person you do not know completely. To a certain extent, some words or decision they make is totally irrational. Albeit, they think they are making the best decision. For example, washing their stained underwear to erase their infidelity where they do not even wash it since birth. He accused me of being crazy, hoping that for my pride sake, I will stop doing crazy things. I came to realise silence is really golden in such circumstances. Yes, communication is broken.
At such moment, live life like a room mate rather than the intimate partner. If you need to talk about your emotions or plans, talk to someone else instead of the husband you once trusted. Firstly, it will not make sense to him as he does not care about your feelings anymore. Secondly, he will remember what you say or plan to do and use it against you when needs arise. Learn to be emotionally independent [of your changed husband] and protect yourself.
Circumstances have forced you to become a married nun. Again, protect yourself. Take care of your own needs. You would not want to deal with unnecessary sexual medical issues due to the irresponsibility of someone else. In this website, it constantly remind people who are divorced or planning to divorce not to get into another relationship before you have completely grieve and let go. Similarly, do not be tempted to seek satisfaction for personal needs or revenge. Again, do not over complicate an already messy life.
Take many many step back to reflect and put into action things you need to change. Snow is accumulated over time. Similarly, the marital strife at home did not arise overnight. I take responsibility for not doing my duty as a respectful wife. I have done my share to hurt and damage this marriage. Whether it is for this or a second marriage, I know I need to be a better wife. This lesson is too painful to go through for a second time.
Despite all these words, I am still weak and fragile. But I am mindful to pick myself up for my children, no matter how little it is.
Lastly, you reap what you sow. Everything will come full circle in time – both for yourself and your betrayed spouse.