When Your Marriage Is Over
When your marriage is over, your world feels like it’s been turned upside down. One moment your life is filled with love and affection, caring and being supportive for one another, waking up each day with a smile on your face, ready to face the world … and then, boom! A bomb is dropped in your life suddenly, like a glass vase falling off your shelf. Pieces everywhere, emotions intensely prevalent and then, you are at a loss, not knowing exactly caused this to occur.
After twelve years of marriage, I began to notice changes in my husband. Becoming more distant and unapproachable, I blamed it on his sudden schedule change at work, having to work the night shift; something he had never done before. Working at night where lots of people were present, sleeping during the day, only to wake up for dinner and leave again for work.
Our relationship was sinking fast, like the Titanic. I saw it, tried to talk with him, but he blamed it on his tiredness and new schedule. Eleven months later, he was on day shift again. Ah! I thought now, he’s going to be like his old self. But he wasn’t. Still, remaining uncommunicative and no longer showing his daily affection towards me were signs I knew our relationship was ending. We tried marriage counseling, but to no avail. He quit after five months.
And then, another bomb was dropped. He admitted he had been having sex with another woman. I KNEW IT! Just didn’t want to acknowledge it. He claimed I was the one at fault, not fulfilling his sexual needs sufficiently; hey, sex once a week for me was enough after twelve years of marriage and two children! And again, he blamed me for stealing his youth. Uh, when we took our vows in church with the priest; I didn’t exactly have a gun to your head, now did I? He wanted to go out with his friends, both male and female friends from work (by the way, he works at a hospital). Regardless, that I thought how improper this was, he did it anyway.
He’d wait until our boys would go to sleep and then leave, returning in the wee morning hours just before our boys got up for school. Of course, he had to look good as a father to his boys. He couldn’t let them know he was out drinking, partying, and having sex with women. I won’t deny the fact that to our sons, yes he is a good dad. Always there for them, spending time with them, displaying emotions of affection and verbalizing his love for them. He was just no longer a good husband. I missed that.
Another change I noticed in him—he began hating me, resenting me with such force, like the 100 m.p.h. winds of a hurricane! I was completely blown away! What had I done? Anger and arrogance soon followed. But why? I was a good wife and a good mother to our two young boys. Still, he was not happy in our marriage and neither was I.
Yet, what could I do?
Living with him, day in and day out with his angry look on his face, not speaking to me (unless to ask me “Where are the keys?”), and of course, no longer showing me any affection. That was fine. I didn’t want him to touch me … EVER! But I did miss when he’d call me during the day, and say, “Hey gorgeous, what are you doing … what are you wearing … want to play later?” And when he’d suddenly approach me from behind as I washed dishes, he’d kiss my neck and grab my breasts; ah … those were the days my husband loved me and I loved him. But they were no longer there. GONE—like a house lifted by a twister.
Finally the last bomb was dropped. He assaulted me one afternoon in the presence of our two young sons when all I wanted to get from his front jean pocket was my cell phone that he had purposely taken away. That’s when he grabbed me, forcefully like he had never done before. All these months, I had lived with his verbal abuse but now, physical abuse … I don’t think so. I called the authorities and had him thrown out!
Now, the house is quiet. My boys are asleep. I don’t hear the clicking of his fingers on his laptop or his farting continuously in my presence. I don’t hear him leaving and returning at five in the morning. I love this quietness.
My life may no longer have the love of a man, but I am fine. I know that with GOD in my life, I will get through this and come out a winner. So what if I don’t ever find love again? Who needs it? I have the love from my two young boys and THAT is all I need.
Goodbye, you cheating, egotistical, uncaring, lousy jerk of a man! Hello, my new life as a single mom!