Reader’s Mail: My Life After Divorce

Number of View: 230 Reader’s Mail: My life after divorce Hi Gilbert,  It has been 6 months since I ended my marriage of 27 years last August 2009.  Life has been wonderful  after I made the decision.  It took me one year of painful deliberation before I made the final decision to leave my husband.  Without financial, emotional and physical support from your spouse and  the burden of 4 children to care for, the strain was not easy to bear.  There were also plenty of tears along the way. I broke down in Dec 2008 when I left home for 2 nights, just to sort things over.  We also went through 2 rounds of counseling all to no avail.  That’s when I decide that something has to break…   There are  different  reactions that I got from my loved ones when I informed them of my decision to divorce.  The reaction from my “in-laws” is naturally hostile.  I am barred from all family gatherings from his side.  Nonetheless, my 2 sister-in-laws (ex-brother-in-laws’ wives) are still in touch with me.  Occasionally, we will go for meals and catch-up on what is happening.  My own family has been very supportive, especially my children.  …

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A Website for The Divorced

Number of View: 280 Dear Friends and Readers,   I have started  this blogsite to support those who are divorced and single parents. I am sure that there are many out there.   Strangely, the site was initially meant for the married people who face struggles in their relationship.   However, a few friends told me that there are already many such sites locally and ask me to instead  start something for those who are divorced and separated.   For those who are recently divorced,  the journey can be  traumatic and lonely. Some may face suicidal tendencies too as it is a very emotional event.  Last year, I  have the chance to walk through the divorce journey with three friends who happened to divorce within a three-month period of one another.  One was married for five years, another for 9 years and the last the longest for well over 20 years. Two of them seemed happier after the divorce except for the third one who looked lost and desolate. Two of them have children. One wonders if the divorce will come earlier if there are no children in the equation. I know many couples hang on precariously to the marriage for the sake of the …

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Looking at Divorce – Through the Eyes of a Child (childrenanddivorce.com)

Number of View: 318        Looking at Divorce – Through the Eyes of a Child First published in Caring – Alliance for Parents and Families 2000         CHILDREN ARE DISILLUSIONED For better or worse children look to adults to help make sense of the world they live in. Unfortunately, from the child’s vantagepoint much of what they are taught defies understanding. It is clear to the youngest children that what adults say is appropriate behavior bears little resemblance to what adults actually do. Children are keen observers. They see famous men who lie and still hold high office, adults who cheat and yet avoid being caught, and adults who kill in the name of religion. They are all too aware of adults who create problems and neglect to solve them, and adults who abuse themselves, or others, but who are nevertheless heralded as heroes or superstars. In this hypocritical social environment it is not surprising that those children who not only experience questionable adult behavior at a distance, but also close-up in their own families, are the children who are most at risk for growing up feeling alienated, angry and distrustful of the adult world.   WHO TO BLAME? …

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He Spends, She Saves… They Fight (CBS Moneywatch.com)

Number of View: 211   He Spends, She Saves … They Fight    A different woman might have been thrilled to receive a gift-wrapped $2,000 designer handbag from her spouse. But not Cicely Wedgeworth. That kind of lavish gesture “would be great if he were my boyfriend,” she says, “instead of my husband.” An inveterate saver, Cicely would rather make do with her canvas tote, funneling that money toward their son’s college fund or their mortgage instead. Meanwhile, Cicely’s husband, Wesley Yun, feels like when it comes to being generous with his wife, no good deed goes unpunished.  Even in flush times, money is one of the biggest sources of arguments among couples, and when finances are tight, it takes more than a box of chocolates to sugarcoat the clashes that occur over different spending styles. Oddly enough, your mate’s approach to money may have stoked your fire in a different way at one point: In a recent study, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Michigan and Northwestern showed that “tightwads” tend to be attracted to (and marry) “spendthrifts.” (And you thought it was her button nose). Wes, indeed, is a prodigious spender — on everything from …

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The Day After Divorce (divorces.com)

Number of View: 251 Get ready for a dramatic change You can’t begin to fathom the change that is taking place once you successfully complete your divorce.  Naturally, this is going to take some serious time to assimilate and you will think about all the times in the past with your spouse, both good and bad.  You will remember all that you had and all that you will no longer have.  You will stare into the abyss and wonder if it will eat you alive.  It is scary.  Admit it. We do and so should you. The last thing you want to do is sugarcoat the dramatic change you have just made.  In all likelihood you will effectively have been downsized.  So, will your spouse.  After all, a marriage is greater than the sum of its parts, but when you follow that formula in reverse you can see your lifestyle as you knew it, will have been more than halved, it will have been drawn and quartered (your attorney will be richer, not that it is a consolation). But, the trick here is to think “why” and not “what.”  What implies a physical attachment to things material, real and imagined …

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Child Dislikes Boyfriend – What to do when your child dislikes your boyfriend (singleparents.about.com)

Number of View: 204   Question: Parental Dating Issues — My Child Dislikes My Boyfriend. What Should I Do? Bonny Albo, About.com’s Guide to Dating1, sent me this question from a reader named Jane, whose child dislikes her boyfriend: I am 33 years old, I and have two kids, ages 6 and 9. My 6-year-old adores the man I’m dating, but my 9-year-old dislikes my boyfriend and is adamantly against him. This concerns me a great deal. We have been dating for almost three years, and this problem has become a big roadblock in our relationship. In addition, my boyfriend has said to me point blank that I need to change my 9-year-old’s behavior before he will consider taking things “to the next level.” What should I do? Answer: What to do when your child dislikes your boyfriend is an excellent question. It speaks to the issue of balancing your needs against your kids’ needs in regard to the issue of parental dating. However, from your question, it sounds as though there are several issues going on at once. You’re not happy with the relationship as it is. Your son dislikes your boyfriend pretty strongly. Your boyfriend has an issue …

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Divorce: An overview (divorces.com)

Number of View: 259 Divorce: An Overview First and foremost divorce is the dissolution of a legal marriage before the death of either spouse.  It is not an annulment, which is the ending of a marriage by having it declared “void.”  Although it must be noted that even in cases of annulment child support, alimony and property distribution laws may still apply.  Merriam-Webster OnLine defines divorce as “the action or instance of legally dissolving a marriage.”   No matter where you look, you should stumble across the same definition in so many words, more or less. Let us be clear though.  Divorce is not a party and it will be traumatic, difficult and emotionally trying.  More so, perhaps much more so, when kids are involved.   Even for celebrities divorces are not enjoyable, Charlie Sheen aside perhaps.  Be prepared for loss and a redefining of your life, yet reinventing it in a much different way.  Children will forever be impacted by a divorce no matter how civil it is resolved.  In the best divorce scenarios where both Exs manage to get along, the children will still be emotionally pulled between both parents.  They will be confused and it will take time, perhaps …

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Dating Deal Breakers: When It’s Time To Get Out (Shine Yahoo)

Number of View: 316 Dating Deal Breakers: When It’s Time to Get Out As an eligible single woman, it’s only natural to be looking for that significant other who will sweep you off your perfectly pedicured, Louboutin-clad feet. You go out with the girls in hopes of catching the eye of your future Prince Charming and securing that fairytale ending, but sometimes dating trials run amuck, leaving you with an experience that you wish you could have skipped out on. Dating can be fun, but oftentimes we have to weed out the freaks before we find the ones worth our time. Some guys have idiosyncrasies that are just too much to handle, but what are the real red flags that should send you running in the completely opposite direction? Here are some deal breakers that we think warrant an instant end to the relationship. These guys mean trouble: Best Spots For Celeb Watching! The Cheater This guy plans dates with multiple girls at a time even when you’ve been seeing each other for a couple of weeks at minimum. He claims he’s keeping his options open, but what that really means is that he has commitment issues and that he’s …

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Top 10 cruel things women do to men (Asiaone 15 Dec)

Number of View: 253 Top 10 cruel things women do to men       Call it self-protection or playing the cards right, women have done some nasty things to men to maintain the upper hand and stay in the dating game. Fox News has compiled a list of top 10 cruel things that women do to men and how they toy with their emotions or ego. 10. Women don’t pick up the phone Men feel good about themselves when they manage to attain a girls’ phone number. However, women don’t give it to men that easy afterall. According to Fox News, they often give men a fake number or don’t pick up their calls. 9. Use men for free drinks Fox News also suggested that there are women who go out never planning to spend any of their own money on drinks at the bar or club. Instead, they deploy their feminine ruses to convince guys to shell out for their night’s libations. While some of them might begin to get to know him, Fox News states that the cruel and heartless ones will take that drink, flirt a little and move on. 8. Use men as placeholders Some …

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What is the right mix in a marriage?

Number of View: 216 What is the right mix in a marriage? Written by: Gilbert Goh In our busyness, we all failed to spend enough time together with our partner often with accompanying complications. A good marriage has all the ingredients of a balanced lifestyle but how many of us have the correct mix here? We often place emphasis to things that matter to us as an individual rather than as a couple and this is probably one of the main reason when the relationships goes into a rut. This is especially so when we have our kids and much of our time at home is focused on raising our own children often neglecting our partners in the process. We only have a few hours left after work and most people, especially working mothers, will want to spent their precious time with their young children. I don’t really know why but women tend to have this hormonal-charged maternity instinct to fully focus on their children unlike that of men. We will explore more on this topic in another chapter as it is an important difference on how women and men view their offspring. Unless, men and women understand this huge …

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