How to handle an extramarital affair

Number of View: 595How to handle an extramarital affair  By John Ng | 20/02/2013 When your other half strays from the relationship and looks elsewhere for emotional or physical needs, you might choose to end the relationship immediately or choose to remain in it. Either way, a marital affair outside has crippling effects that can be felt by both parties for some time. The emotional trauma guts your soul and more often than not, the unintentional hurt affects your kids too. So what is an affair anyway? No, that drunken debauchery from your brother’s Christmas party does not count (Unless you’ve been eyeing your sister-in-law for a long time. Which is another story altogether.) It’s definitely not a midnight sojourn with a complete stranger in the backpacker’s inn and it definitely isn’t a one-off clandestine affair with the foreign tourist you’re never going to see again. An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else. Pick a ballpark figure of 40% and you are pretty close to summing up the prevalent state of marital affairs in marriages. In fact, I’d go out on a …

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Woman caught in a betrayed marriage writing to all third parties

Number of View: 1898 After reading through all the stories here, one thing that strikes me is the large proportion of husbands being unfaithful to the marriage. The story of each betrayed wife maybe different [or similar to a certain extent] but  one thing is for sure – the hurt and pain brought upon the wives and family is immersed in every story. Likewise, I am one of them and I am still in a betrayed marriage [for past one and a half year]. From a very different perspective, I would like to plead to any single [especially woman] who is attracted to a married person, please step back and spare a thought for the family whom you are breaking up. Life is never a constant. You may enjoy a moment of folly for now… But years later, will this still stay the same? It will not. Chances are such stolen relationship will evolve and the tide may turn against you. But the hurt you have done to the family stays forever. The fault-line in the marriage that you have indirectly created will stay forever. When a third party single woman begins to love a married man, I do not …

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When Your Marriage Is Over

Number of View: 322 When Your Marriage Is Over By: Vivian Vega (View Profile)  When your marriage is over, your world feels like it’s been turned upside down. One moment your life is filled with love and affection, caring and being supportive for one another, waking up each day with a smile on your face, ready to face the world … and then, boom! A bomb is dropped in your life suddenly, like a glass vase falling off your shelf. Pieces everywhere, emotions intensely prevalent and then, you are at a loss, not knowing exactly caused this to occur. After twelve years of marriage, I began to notice changes in my husband. Becoming more distant and unapproachable, I blamed it on his sudden schedule change at work, having to work the night shift; something he had never done before. Working at night where lots of people were present, sleeping during the day, only to wake up for dinner and leave again for work. Our relationship was sinking fast, like the Titanic. I saw it, tried to talk with him, but he blamed it on his tiredness and new schedule. Eleven months later, he was on day shift again. Ah! I thought now, he’s going to be like his …

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How to Recover from an Affair

Number of View: 314 How to Recover from an Affair Edited byDanine Manette and 14 others Realize that you are in shock. Initially, this is the phase where you are simply in disbelief. You cannot comprehend that your spouse has been physically or emotionally intimate with someone other than yourself; that your spouse was sneaking around and going out of his/her way to make time and seek out this person. And all the while you were oblivious… you begin piecing the puzzle together and you realize that so much of your reality was actually a lie. During this phase, you will probably feel like you’re in a dense fog while trying to make sense of what is going on and determine whether or not it is all just some sort of ‘bad dream’. Expect to experience some rage. You begin to realize that the situation is an actual reality and that it is not just some sort of ‘bad dream’. During this phase you may become physically ill and find that you are simply unable to get out of bed, go to work, or interact with others normally in your everyday world. The affair is all you are able to …

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Filipino married to a Singaporean and facing marital strife

Number of View: 1328 Hi Gilbert, A pleasant day to you. I am stuck in a situation right now, suffering depression. I am a Filipina, married to a Singaporean. I am holding a Long Term Visit Pass Plus under my husband’s name. We have two daughters. One was born out of marriage. Our relationship is not usual one. He is my Boss. We got married in 2012. He cheated on me so many times even before and during marriage. Caught him, leave him and forgive him. After two months of marriage, we were expecting for a second child. Still cheating on me while I was pregnant. I suffered a lot during that time. I gave birth while he was with someone else in some hotel. While I am taking care of my baby who was in ICU then saw a photo of him with a group of female FRIENDS in his restaurant. It was very suspicious. He always comes back late in the late morning. On that very day he came to the hospital in the afternoon (he didn’t come home the other night). He accused me of going crazy. I wanted to leave but he didn’t allow us. We …

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Woman feeling depressed sharing her husband with another woman

Number of View: 1372 Hi, I just learned about my husband affair a year ago. I was devastated as I love him very much and still is. After talking out with him, he hope I could accommodate to him having another love. I was at a loss but finally agreed. From that day onwards, I have been feeling down and cry myself to sleep every now and then. Recently, I just found out that he was overseas with his lover when I confronted him, I did not give him a chance to explain further as I couldn’t bear the thoughts of them being together. I guess the problem lies with me because I know I told him I could accommodate but I just cannot bring myself to accept the fact that he loves another woman. These days is a torture, I just keep crying and crying and am at a loss now. Please give me some advice. Lonely Soul ***** Hi Lonely Soul Thanks for your mail and sorry to hear of your predicament. It must be tortuous sharing your husband with another woman and it is also unfair. The marriage relationship is meant solely for one another and any …

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Divorced man offering advice to someone going through marital dissolution

Number of View: 1180 After reading your letter two times, I still do not understand what actually you want from your wife. Instead, I read you wrote a lot about your wife’s behavior. It seems that you think your wife is more wrong than you. I can’t help but ask you, do you understand why your wife is behaving this way – eg commit suicide again and again? I can see that your wife is still very much loving you from her (you called it as “unreasonable”) behavior. She does not want a divorce. She does not want to lose you. You wrote that “2 human beings who have differing characters and the differences can’t be bridged anymore”. May I ask – how do you interact with your colleagues, friends, etc. Can you like interact the same way to your wife as you do to your friends, colleagues, etc? If you really care for your child, you really got to stop keep thinking those unhappy events with your wife, and keep digging out those bad statements made during arguments. Otherwise you are going nowhere but round and round. At the end of the day, nothing good will come out between …

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Newly-divorced woman picking up the pieces from a cheating husband

Number of View: 1209 Hi, I feel for you as I am in a similar situation. My husband has an emotional affair with a woman and I was devastated because we were happy together, which he also agreed with, and he also initially begged to return to normalcy. However, after one day, he told me he can’t settle down and wish to be free, and requested to separate. I was like you, lost, as he earns much more than I do and he was my source of happiness. Right now, I am trying my best to accept the fact and move on and it is NOT easy. It is super tough. The sadness comes in waves and I find myself battling it as it comes. Friends help a lot and family will never forsake you. Since he has given up, the marriage can’t work with one person trying. I suggest that you go to both families and make it clear. It does not matter if your family hates him after this. Reason being, if ever you two end up together again, him working hard to gain back their liking is only right. Learn to protect yourself and love yourself. Try …

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Wife feeling the hurt from a cheating husband and contemplating divorce

Number of View: 1398 Hi Gilbert I just learned husband was having affair since September 2016. He now wants a second chance but will not do any of the things I have asked him to do. Like counselling, anger management course and giving me access to his phone and PC. I have lost all trust in him. And do not trust him anymore. I cannot stop thinking of the images of the two of them. The scheming. The lies. The way he treated me. I’m totally devastated. My colleagues and family have been supportive. I know the decision lies with me. It’s so hard to deal with the pain. Vivian

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Husband in pain after discovery of affair from wife

Number of View: 1572  Hi Gilbert, I think I really need help. Now I’m feeling lost, shocked, depressed, confused, just so much in pain. A few days ago my wife confessed to me that she cheated with a colleague last year. I kind of suspected the whole of last year when she suddenly changed, I thought they were only hanging out but I didn’t expect it to go that far. I’m initiating divorce even though I still love her so much (it’s a mixed feeling of love and hate) as I’m not able to accept this reality. To be honest I do feel hopeless, my world is all gone…what can I do to get better? Thank you! Jack Editor’s note: We are extending our counselling support to the writer.

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