Filipino married to a Singaporean and facing marital strife

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Hi Gilbert,

A pleasant day to you. I am stuck in a situation right now, suffering depression.

I am a Filipina, married to a Singaporean. I am holding a Long Term Visit Pass Plus under my husband’s name. We have two daughters. One was born out of marriage. Our relationship is not usual one. He is my Boss. We got married in 2012. He cheated on me so many times even before and during marriage. Caught him, leave him and forgive him. After two months of marriage, we were expecting for a second child. Still cheating on me while I was pregnant. I suffered a lot during that time. I gave birth while he was with someone else in some hotel.

While I am taking care of my baby who was in ICU then saw a photo of him with a group of female FRIENDS in his restaurant. It was very suspicious. He always comes back late in the late morning. On that very day he came to the hospital in the afternoon (he didn’t come home the other night). He accused me of going crazy. I wanted to leave but he didn’t allow us. We are staying with his parents right now. Three weeks after giving birth nothing has changed.

Until he told me that he will shift out and my kids and I will stay in his parents house. I can’t do anything. He lived in with his Mongolian girlfriend. I worked in other company to be able to support my kids. Very seldom he will visit the kids unless he needs something from his parents. His company has undergone renovation so he claims that he can’t support the kids.

He is so desperate about money that he needs his parents to invest into his new restauarant (previous one has closed down ). He came back claiming that he realised his mistakes. After getting what he wants he left again. And he is back with his gf.

After few months he invited me to join his company. Having his parents as investors they ask for my help. Feeling indebted to them I agreed. He wants us back but he don’t want to leave his mistress. He don’t want to file for divorce so that I can stay in Singapore. August 2014 we’ve decided to patch up. We rented a condominium to stay. Due to unnecessary pressure and stress at work we always fight. Until he terminated me and chase us out.

We are back to his parents house. I really wanted to leave Singapore but he always threatened me of cancelling my pass, ban me and will never see my kids anymore. He had other relationships during that time. Anyway he and his parents cannot get along well. He is a womaniser, abusive and a gambler.

2015, I looked for another job. Doing well. I solely pay for my kids’ expenses. He claims that because we are staying in his parents’ house so he doesn’t need to give monetarily. That is his support for us. He MIA. Leaving the business to his mother’s care without any word. His mother asked me to help her. I quit my job and run it with her. He came back claiming that I am the one for him. That he loves me so much (contrary to what he said everytime he will abandoned us and that he married me for business sake). I forgave him I don’t know for how many times. He finally left his mistress.

I am his manager so we always have conflicts now and then. Trusting him but still something is wrong. He will still meet other girls and contacting other girls behind my back.

March 2016, one day after staying in his restaurant the whole night he come home at 4 pm without saying his whereabouts. I checked cctv and confirm that he was drinking with a girl until 8 in the morning and the girl was very drunk.

I have all the evidences. He finally decided to let us leave. We were actually talking about divorce while we are back in Philippines.

May 2016, my mother-in-law requested to bring the kids to celebrate her birthday in Australia. He doesn’t know that we are back. Until the night before we fly he wanted to meet me. He said Family is very important for him. Blah blah blah. Same old shit. He persisted.

As a mother I want what’s best for my kids. Forgive him again. Help him in his business again. Knowing his bullshits I cannot control myself sometimes that I disrespect him at work. He can just stay at home playing his games while I am working 6 days a week. He will just come on weekends because it’s a busy day or whenever he wants to. Sometimes I will ask him why he doesn’t come even though we are having manpower issues. Then he will just answer me I have no rights to ask because he is my Boss. So sickening even if he is at fault he will tell me I have no rights because I am just his employee.

Business not doing good the past months. Always blaming me, telling me I don’t have leadership. But I am the one doing almost everything. All he needs to do is to talk to the staff and motivate them.

He wanted to quit gambling. Because of his gambling he will always take money from the cash sales of his company. So he indulge himself to gaming. I am also getting tired. Ignoring me at home and blame me at work. I am suffering through depression and I really wanted to quit. He will always threaten me that he will mess up my life if I will leave his company. He cannot appreciate whatever I am doing.

After that night I told him with a clear mind that I said that because I wanted to find out if our Family is important for him. But it seems not. I wanted my kids. He will not cancel my pass so that I still can stay here. But it’s killing me everyday that I cannot be with my kids. After all the struggles and sufferings I have gone through. Now I am living alone. I don’t have my means to let the kids stay with me here. He don’t allow me to bring my kids with me back in Philippines. I want my kids. I can raise them well too in Philippines.

Please help.

Lynn

 

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