Dating After Divorce
Celibacy is one thing after a long relationship, but jumping back into the dating game after having been to the altar is quite another.
A few important guidelines should be followed in order to achieve a successful return to the world of dating and mating. You need not follow them to the tee, but they will help make the transition easier.
You have to get your dating muscle in shape by preparing during the last stages of your divorce, for when you’re finally single and getting into your first relationship.
last stages of the divorce
The last leg of the divorce process involves settling all the paperwork and getting things in order. As the divorce is not final, you must be sure to behave and keep your pecker tucked away.
Having romantic encounters during the last stages of your official and final separation can have disastrous effects on the divorce.
It’s a good idea to avoid dating altogether before the divorce is finalized. Not only will it save you some explanation in court as to why you were eager as a beaver, but it will also speed up the process and set you free in no time. You wouldn’t want a fling to taint your image in court during the last stages of the divorce; especially if she’s asking for the Beemer.
single once again
Now that you’re officially divorced, single and ready to get going, you have to tie up loose ends. If you still talk to your ex on the weekends to catch up with each other, maybe you shouldn’t. If you still have most of your clothes at her place, even after you’ve moved out, then you should pack it all up for good. The papers might be finalized, but you have to treat whatever is left of the relationship the same way. It’s impossible to let go and hold on at the same time.
On the other hand, there’s no need to rush into new women. You’re the only one that knows when you’re ready to put on your John Travolta dancing shoes and your Don Juan sex appeal. Take the time to do things right — at the right time — and you won’t have to do them over and over again.
Your first instinct may be to stay away from anyone that reminds you of your ex-wife, but you don’t need to stress over this. Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about that part of your life. After all, you did have some good times together; don’t forget them.
the first relationship
Once again, the most important aspect at this point is to not rush into anything, and don’t let others push you into dating prematurely. The last thing you want is to go out and find a carbon copy of your ex-wife, and start the same mistake all over again. By the same token, don’t make it a point to find someone who’s the exact opposite either.
Make sure it feels right and for heaven’s sake, don’t simply date to wage revenge on your ex. Nobody likes going on an emotional roller coaster ride.
Remember that this first relationship is the best time to get your feet wet in the eternal pursuit of skirts. But more than that, the first serious relationship will be like tasting candy for the first time as a child. Everything might seem inconsequential; and in a way, that’s how you should view it. Look at it as the learning experience that will thrust you back into the game.
On the flip side, this first relationship is where all the healing takes places. Remember that no matter how willing you are to jump back into the waters, only time will tell how ready you really are.
new & improved you
Now, some physical changes are in order. I’m not talking about getting a facial, streaks in your hair and a manicure, but the time does call for some changes. Join a gym, or start going regularly if you already have a membership. (You know how men let themselves go when they’re in a serious relationship.) You should also watch what you eat, and buy yourself some flattering new clothes that make you look good.
If you’re making some changes on the inside with your attitude and outlook on life, you might as well do the same with your appearance. Get a new pair of shoes and the perfect summer clothes to start the season off right.
the 5-step program
In case you’re looking for a quick fix, here’s the rundown:
- Get closure with your ex-wife; leave the bad memories behind.
- Don’t compare new women to your ex.
Pick up womenin every setting possible: the bank, grocery store, drug store, etc.
- Improve your physique by going to the gym and eating healthy.
- Use the support of your friends.