Divorce: Help Your Children (divorceandchildren.com)

Number of View: 305  Articles: HELP YOUR CHILDREN In the Beginning… If possible, have both parents present when telling children about the divorce. Discuss what you will tell children before hand. Also, keep explanations simple and avoid placing blame. Use general statements such as Mom and Dad can’t live together anymore or Mom and Dad have decided we would be happier living in different homes. Tell your children that the divorce is not their fault. Children need to understand the decision to divorce had nothing to do with them or their behavior. Further kids should be told there is nothing they can do to change what is happening in the family nor is it their responsibility to fix the family. Tell your children that you love them. Make sure they understand the love shared between a parent and child and is different than the love shared between a husband and wife. Kids need to know that the love you have for them will last forever. Reinforce it is okay to love both Mom and Dad. Children should not feel they have to take sides or worry about losing the love of either parent. Give children details regarding how life will …

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Helping Kids Cope with Separation and Divorce

Number of View: 267 Helping children cope with divorce: What to tell your kids When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you’ll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your children handle the news.  What to say and how to say it  Difficult as it may be to do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest—but kid-friendly—explanation.  Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don’t always get along, parents and kids don’t stop loving each other or get divorced from each other. Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that …

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Impact of divorce on children

Number of View: 333 Divorce Children Then number of children affected by divorce in the United States has increased in direct proportion to the number of divorces in the country. Research estimates show the ratio of children of divorce living in single parent households (compared to two parent families) has risen from about 20% in the early 1960’s up to nearly 50% in the last decade. The number of kids living with one parent in the U.S. today mirrors estimates that claim half of all marriages now end in divorce. Studies have hinted that the number could be even higher in some areas of the country, where divorce rates climb to nearly 60% for low-income, urban families.  Unfortunately, most of the impact of this shift in American family structure has resulted in negative social and economic consequences for the children of divorce. It has been proven that children from divorced families are less likely to graduate from college or earn an average salary. Children in two parent homes enjoy better physical and mental health, and are twice as likely to remain married as adults themselves. Studies show that children’s sense of lifetime marital commitment is undermined when they witness a …

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How to Anchor Your Kids After Divorce: Advice to Fathers (ehow)

Number of View: 521 Divorce affects kids. There’s no question about that. In the United States there are a million new children of divorce each year. E. Mavis Hetherington, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, reports in her book, Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, that about 25% of children from divorced families have serious social and emotional problems as opposed to 10% of children from intact families. There are ways to reduce these odds, and dads; the weighty issue is on your shoulders. Here are four steps to follow to ensure your children are minimally affected with emotional and social problems.  Difficulty: Challenging Instructions Things You’ll Need: Patience Joint Custody Residency near the ex-spouse Step 1   Child Support Child support is a must. Non-custodial parent payment improves the standard of living of children-their health, educational attainment, and general sense of well-being. When non-custodial parents (usually the fathers) are financially responsible, the custodial parent (usually the mom) can relinquish demanding full time jobs and be there for her children.   Step 2     Tiddlywinks Reduce Life Stresses Divorce often results in changes in children’s living situations. These changes create a stressful environment for them. You can …

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11 Ways To Keep The Children Out of Your Divorce

Number of View: 276By Julie Garrison Special to DadsDivorce.com No one plans on getting divorced. But when a marriage is having severe conflict or two people are actually going through a divorce, there are many things parents can do to shield the children from adult problems and help them adjust to the changes in their parents’ relationship. Here are 11 ways to keep your children out of your divorce. 1. Make a pact with your spouse to never fight in front of the children. I’m not talking about the “why don’t you ever put the cap back on the toothpaste” type of conflict. I’m talking about conversations dealing with adultery, addiction, character, spending habits, sex, in-laws and anything else of this caliber. If you don’t, your children will be negatively affected. 2. Make an appointment to fight – away from eyesight and earshot of your children. One couple I know used to hire a sitter for their kids, drive behind the local shopping mall and scream it out. 3. Try a marriage counselor and get instruction in learning to fight fairly with your spouse. 4. If you decide to divorce, tell your children together, as a couple. Tell them that …

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Talking to your kids about divorce

Number of View: 312Welcome back to Tuesday Talk. Today we’re gleaning some insight from Linda Ranson Jacobs. Linda is one of the forefront leaders in the area of children and divorce. She has been actively involved in ministering to children and their families for years. Having been both divorced and widowed, Linda was a single mom who learned firsthand the emotional and support needs of broken families, and she developed a passion to help hurting families. Linda developed the popular DC4K, DivorceCare for Kids (dc4k.org) and still serves as the DC4K Advisor. She has also developed HLP4.com which provides free resources for those serving single parent families. We asked Linda how kidmin workers and leaders can best minister to the kids and parents who are in the midst of a divorce. What’s good to say? What’s the worst thing they can say? Here is what Linda shared: What do you say when you find out a child in your group is experiencing the separation or divorce of their parents?  How you feel about divorce influences your response. If you know nothing about divorce it feels like all of a sudden you are entering a different country. This new foreign language …

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What to Say When Talking To Your Child About Divorce

Number of View: 288 What to Say When Talking To Your Child About Divorce Talking to your child about divorce can be very difficult if you don’t know in advance what to say. I encourage you to make a checklist so you can organize your thoughts and appear calm and collected when talking to your children. Here are some starter tips to keep in mind when talking to your child about divorce… 1. There is no “best age” for divorcing – Though this is true, neurologists have proven that the brain cell structure is mainly formed between ages 1-8. Children that fit within this age range are like a sponge, absorbing everything they hear you say and see you do. If you choose to get divorced during these critical years, you’ll leave a long-lasting imprint on your child. The amount of damage done will depend on your child’s temperament. More sensitive children often take the blame for your divorce, regardless of what you say to them. Stronger willed children can turn this “terrible event” into anger towards others. The best possible scenario for your child is for you and your spouse to stay together. Consider giving your marriage a second …

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Telling the Children You are Getting Divorced

Number of View: 278 Telling the Children You Are Getting Divorced Information Provided by: Divorce Source, Inc. Telling the children that Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce draws a line in sand. Now, everyone — Mom, Dad and children — all know where they stand, and very often have no idea where they are going. Telling the children is one of the many very difficult bridges that divorcing spouses must cross. Plainly, children must be told, if for no other reason than knowing of the break between their parents is the first step in accepting this dramatic change in their life.   Depending on the family situation, children sometimes sense that their parents do not get along, and depending on the age and experience of the children, they may actually anticipate the divorce even when they cannot understand all its ramifications.  Research suggests that children reared in a high conflict home filled with verbal abuse and physical violence fare worse than children reared in a tension-free environment. For this reason, children may be “better off,” so to speak, after their parents divorce than before. Nevertheless, the day his or her parents tell a child that they are parting ways …

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The Spiral Process of Recovery

Number of View: 293 INTRODUCTION: Children and adults recover from the divorce experience in different ways. The recovery process for the adult is dominated by the process of “moving on,” often without necessary reflection about what went wrong, leading many to make the same mistakes again, as shown by the increased rate of divorce in second marriages. The recovery process for the child is dominated by a recurrent “revisiting” of issues and a need to discuss the past. For a child to let go of the past is to forgo a critical building block of their future. LINEAR vs. SPIRAL PATH: In many cases the adult process is a linear progression from denial to anger to depression and then resolution, while the child’s recovery follows more of a spiral path. At every new developmental stage the explanations that parents gave them in the past are re-examined–what disagreements precipitated the divorce, who tried harder to make things better, why there was so little money for support, etc. The answers to all the “Who, What, Why” questions, while they may have been satisfactory when they were first offered, are likely to be questioned as the child’s cognitive skills and experience increase. SERIAL …

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Why Every Year Thousands of Our Kids Do Not Celebrate Father’s Day With Their Dads

Number of View: 281Father’s Day came and passed away hurriedly yesterday – it was like any other normal day unlike Mother’s Day which is celebrated more like a special occasion. My 17-year-old daughter as usual didn’t wish me Happy Father’s Day and I must say that we don’t normally celebrate such occasions so I didn’t feel that bad really. Moreover, she is still currently studying in Sydney and I am hanging around in Singapore.  Thus,  the distance does play a crucial part in us not really being able to celebrate the occasion – even if we want to. On the other hand, I do miss her every day that I am not with her… Introduction Nevertheless, there will be many dads here who could not celebrate Father’s Day with their children even if both parties wanted to.  I learned about the   painful consequence of divorce when I started another website to handle the  clients  of our many broken marriages – its called parental alienation.  Children were alienated by their other parent when a marriage breaks down –  normally the father due to various reasons.  Sometimes it is intentional but very often it is instigated by their ex-spouses. Some estrangled wives …

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