When Your Marriage Is Over

Number of View: 434 When Your Marriage Is Over By: Vivian Vega (View Profile)  When your marriage is over, your world feels like it’s been turned upside down. One moment your life is filled with love and affection, caring and being supportive for one another, waking up each day with a smile on your face, ready to face the world … and then, boom! A bomb is dropped in your life suddenly, like a glass vase falling off your shelf. Pieces everywhere, emotions intensely prevalent and then, you are at a loss, not knowing exactly caused this to occur. After twelve years of marriage, I began to notice changes in my husband. Becoming more distant and unapproachable, I blamed it on his sudden schedule change at work, having to work the night shift; something he had never done before. Working at night where lots of people were present, sleeping during the day, only to wake up for dinner and leave again for work. Our relationship was sinking fast, like the Titanic. I saw it, tried to talk with him, but he blamed it on his tiredness and new schedule. Eleven months later, he was on day shift again. Ah! I thought now, he’s going to be like his …

Continue reading »

Dr Phil: Life after divorce

Number of View: 345 Life after Divorce Divorce is a major life change that can leave a person reeling. Suddenly being on your own to deal with issues such as money, children, career changes and downsizing the family home can seem overwhelming. Dr. Phil and Libby Gill, author of the book Traveling Hopefully: How to Lose Your Family Baggage and Jumpstart Your Life offer advice on how to begin to live life after divorce. If you’re having trouble letting go: • There is life after this marriage As hard as it is to believe right now, one day this marriage will just be something you did once. You’ll go on and you’ll have what you create. • Get out of denial Ask yourself: Do you really want this marriage, or are you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you’re letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be? • Don’t burn daylight Grieving doesn’t have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There …

Continue reading »

How To Heal the Pain of Divorce

Number of View: 707 By Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide Everyone who goes through a divorce experiences pain and grief, but some may be more profoundly affected. Some do not cope as well as others. Divorce can be a traumatic experience and healing from it takes time. There are some ways you can help yourself move through the healing process. Difficulty: Hard Time Required: Depends on the person Here’s How: Develop a support system. Find those friends and family who will be there to see you through the times when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. A clergyman or professional counselor may be helpful, as you can talk openly and confidentially. After a divorce, your true friends won’t be hard to recognize, because they will be willing to help you adjust to the changes. Seek a divorce recovery group in your community, so that you can interact with others going through the same emotions. Seek professional help if needed. Some people get stuck in the pain of divorce, and may experience depression, whether mild or severe. In that case, it is imperative to seek professional help, through your family doctor or a licensed therapist. Don’t try …

Continue reading »

After Divorce: 8 Tips for Reinventing Yourself

Number of View: 344 After Divorce: 8 Tips for Reinventing Yourself 8 ideas to help you shape your post-divorce life. By Gina Shaw WebMD Feature Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD It’s over. You’ve signed the divorce papers, and the relationship you entered with so much hope is officially dissolved. Everyone’s divorce story is different. Maybe you had been married for decades, maybe just a year or so. Maybe you have children, maybe you don’t. Maybe the divorce was your idea and maybe it was your partner’s, or maybe you both agreed that separation was best. Maybe you’re relieved, maybe you’re heartbroken — or a bit of both. But however you got here, the question now is where do you go from here? And how do you figure out who you are and what you want as a newly single person? What is your new life going to look like, and how do you start moving in that direction? Here are eight of the first steps: 1. Let yourself mourn. Nobody gets married thinking, “I sure hope we can get divorced someday!” Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss. …

Continue reading »

10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce or Breakup

Number of View: 475 10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce or Breakup Posted by Rinatta Paries on May 3, 2010 11:08 PM Divorce, or the breakup of a serious relationship, can be a devastating ordeal, and recovering from them can be a difficult, treacherous road. Sometimes people don’t recover at all. Others, although appearing to be past their divorce or breakup, still carry the pain with them, as well as the fear of getting close to a partner again. Below are ten ways to help you recover, get your life back on track, and guarantee a bright relationship future. 1. Grieve deeply and completely. Many times people are terrified of dark feelings such as sadness, depression, and anger. The intensity can make you feel like they’ll take hold of your soul forever. The key point to remember and trust is that although these feelings are indeed strong, they won’t last forever. Nor will they destroy or damage you. As a matter of fact, you’ll likely be in a better place emotionally once you’ve let yourself work through them. 2. Grieve for the future you thought your marriage or relationship once had, which now will never be. When people come …

Continue reading »

Steps to divorce recovery

Number of View: 252 Divorce and Your Emotions Just as the legal and financial process of divorce will take time, the emotional process of separating from your partner and establishing yourself as a healthy single individual will take time and your divorce recovery will most likely happen in stages. Divorce usually causes a major emotional upheaval in the lives of everyone it touches. It ranks right up there with the death of a loved one or a life threating illness like cancer or a heart attach. Most people find themselves to be alternately angry, happy, sad, bitter, lost, hopeless, overwhelmed and sometimes relieved during the divorce. You may feel adrift or afraid of what the future holds. Some people may have a romantic view of their ex-partner that makes them feel that to be together again, even in an unhappy marriage, would be better than being alone. Sometimes you blame yourself and believe that if you were just stronger and more in control, you wouldn’t be in so much pain. All of the stress can make you very depressed and recovering from depression can be very difficult amd may require professional help. Look for the sun to break through all …

Continue reading »

Divorce Recovery – 7 Tips On How to Make a Smooth Recovery From Divorce

Number of View: 437 By Jerald Young, Ph.D. Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary. Tip #1 – You’re not unusual – You are not alone Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone. Tip #2 – You can make a successful recovery from divorce – because you have done it before You say you haven’t been divorced before? Doesn’t matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process of change – whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. …

Continue reading »

Extremities: The Pain and Promise of Divorce (psychcentral.com)

Number of View: 322 As the divorce process unfolds, especially within the first several months, you will probably go through a series of emotional extremes. The divorce, as it tears apart the fabric of your marriage, will probably tear you up as well. You will be astounded by the intensity of raw pain that can sweep over you, sometimes quite unexpectedly. This is a dangerous time psychologically, and it may not be clear how this emotional eruption could lead to extreme consequences. The person you thought you knew and loved is no longer there, “replaced” by some scary, spiteful stranger. Frightening scenarios, involving both yourself and the other person, become immediately present as possibilities; you will no longer know what to expect from your former spouse or even from yourself. Even if you struggle to hold onto some shred of love, or at least positive feeling, for your former spouse, you will be afflicted by thoughts and feelings that seem to flood into your mind from some primitive, nightmare side of reality. In such moments, you may feel like you are losing your mind. You can go places emotionally where no one else can reach you. You may scream, cry, …

Continue reading »

Divorce: The First Year

Number of View: 315 Divorce: The First Year by Johanna Nauraine   It doesn’t matter whether you were the one who wanted the divorce or whether you were the one who was left – the first year following divorce is difficult. In all likelihood, you’re living alone for the first time in years. That is either a shock or a relief, depending on the type of marriage you were in. Regardless, it’s a big adjustment. While you may have had other losses in your life, in my experience, there are few that disrupt a person as totally as divorce. It impacts your mental health, your financial security, your family relationships, your home and your children. It is probably an experience you haven’t been through before, so you’re unprepared for the many issues that arise. If you were the one who initiated the divorce you may feel guilty and worried about what the divorce may be doing to your spouse and children. If you left because you felt abused in the relationship, you may still be angry. You might feel resentful towards your ex for putting you in the position of having to make such a difficult choice. If you left …

Continue reading »

How Long Does “Typical” Divorce Recovery Take?

Number of View: 508 How Long Does “Typical” Divorce Recovery Take? If you’re not moving beyond your divorce, you may be doing something wrong Published on April 18, 2010 by Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W. in Contemplating Divorce One of the most common questions newly divorcing people have for me is, “how long will it take before I’m over this divorce ordeal? My answer is always the same: “How long it takes to “recover” from a divorce depends on a number of factors, including how long you were together, how good the relationship was and how committed you were to your spouse, whether the divorce was a surprise to you or not, whether you have children together, whether you or your spouse are involved in a new relationship, your personality, your age, your socio-economic status and on and on. I liken the undoing of a marriage to trying to disentangle two trees that have grown next to each other for years. The more intertwined the root systems are, the longer it will take for the trees to go their separate ways. In addition, grief has a life of its own and you are done* when your grief process is done, and …

Continue reading »