How to Deal With The Other Man or Other Woman

Number of View: 416 In general, society looks at the other man or other woman as being the responsible party in an affair. It’s understandable that they become the target for the rage and anger the deceived spouse feels. Blaming the them keeps us from having to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage and our own feelings, so we like to pretend that if it hadn’t been for that other person there would have never been an affair. Problem is, there would have been, it just would have been a different “other” person. How you handle the fact that there is another man or woman has a great deal to do with whether or not you end up in divorce court or, are able to save your marriage. I have a few suggestions that will help save your sanity and possibly your marriage. Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Are: He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular. They are not superior to you, they are simply different from you. You are the husband …

Continue reading »

How to handle an extramarital affair

Number of View: 686How to handle an extramarital affair  By John Ng | 20/02/2013 When your other half strays from the relationship and looks elsewhere for emotional or physical needs, you might choose to end the relationship immediately or choose to remain in it. Either way, a marital affair outside has crippling effects that can be felt by both parties for some time. The emotional trauma guts your soul and more often than not, the unintentional hurt affects your kids too. So what is an affair anyway? No, that drunken debauchery from your brother’s Christmas party does not count (Unless you’ve been eyeing your sister-in-law for a long time. Which is another story altogether.) It’s definitely not a midnight sojourn with a complete stranger in the backpacker’s inn and it definitely isn’t a one-off clandestine affair with the foreign tourist you’re never going to see again. An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else. Pick a ballpark figure of 40% and you are pretty close to summing up the prevalent state of marital affairs in marriages. In fact, I’d go out on a …

Continue reading »

How to Recover from an Affair

Number of View: 374 How to Recover from an Affair Edited byDanine Manette and 14 others Realize that you are in shock. Initially, this is the phase where you are simply in disbelief. You cannot comprehend that your spouse has been physically or emotionally intimate with someone other than yourself; that your spouse was sneaking around and going out of his/her way to make time and seek out this person. And all the while you were oblivious… you begin piecing the puzzle together and you realize that so much of your reality was actually a lie. During this phase, you will probably feel like you’re in a dense fog while trying to make sense of what is going on and determine whether or not it is all just some sort of ‘bad dream’. Expect to experience some rage. You begin to realize that the situation is an actual reality and that it is not just some sort of ‘bad dream’. During this phase you may become physically ill and find that you are simply unable to get out of bed, go to work, or interact with others normally in your everyday world. The affair is all you are able to …

Continue reading »

Coping with Infidelity: How Do Affairs Begin?

Number of View: 383Introduction: The most commonly asked question I receive is about infidelity. That’s because affairs are so common in marriage. You or your spouse are more likely to have an affair than you are to divorce. And your chances of divorce are already 50-50. An affair is devastating to almost everyone involved. It’s one of the most painful experiences that the jilted spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is also very painful for the children. Friends and members of the extended family are usually hurt as well. But what most people don’t realize is that the unfaithful spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. It almost always causes them to suffer acute depression, often with thoughts of suicide. With all this sadness, why do so many people do it? I have already posted several columns on infidelity, but I continue to receive letters from those wanting even more information and help. So I have decided to write a 4 column series on how to cope with this monster. Each column will focus attention on one aspect of affairs — from how they begin to how marriage can recover after they end. Affairs …

Continue reading »

Signs of Spousal Infidelity

Number of View: 667Signs of Spousal Infidelity Some statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. If you have suspicions, consider some of the following and be as impartial as possible. Have you noticed a: Sudden increase in time away from home Decreased sexual interest with you Cheating spouse is often distracted and day dreaming Cheating husband or wife is often “unavailable” while at work Cheating spouse attends new functions outside of work and wants to go without you Cell phone calls from you are not returned in timely fashion Cheating spouse leaves house or goes to other rooms to talk on the telephone Cheating spouse uses computer alone and secretly Cheating spouse asks about your schedule more often than usual Mileage on car is high yet he / she reports only short distance errands Clothes smell of perfume or cologne Cheating spouse gets his / her laundry done independently Unexplained payments on bank statements Cheating spouse has more cash on hand without accountability Cell phone bills contain calls with long duration Cheating spouse now has a phone card but never used …

Continue reading »

Dealing with the Discovery of Infidelity

Number of View: 587 Dealing with the Discovery of Infidelity The pain and shock of discovering a partner’s infidelity can be one of life’s most traumatic events.  As such, it should come as no surprise that it often takes several years for couples to effectively repair a relationship after infidelity comes to light. Some things to keep in mind about surviving infidelity: Many couples are able to recover from infidelity and can develop a stronger relationship with more intimacy and closeness. Several factors influence how successful couples are at saving a relationships after an affair:  the quality of the relationship prior to the discovery of infidelity, both partner’s commitment to making a relationship work, effective communication skills, and counseling are critical to successful recovery (see, is relationship worth saving). The true motivation underlying infidelity can sometimes be hard to identify.  As such, couples may come up with explanations which do not adequately explain what happened (see, why people cheat).  If this is the case, the underlying problem does not get addressed and cheating is likely to happen again.  Even ending a relationship may not resolve the problem because infidelity can often follow individuals into their next relationship. Serial cheating is …

Continue reading »

Coping with Infidelity: How should affairs end?

Number of View: 341 Introduction: This is the second in a four part series of Q&A columns on infidelity. Last week I explained how affairs usually begin (see Part 1)and this week I will explain how they should end. There are three parts to the way affairs should end. The first part is revealing the affair to one’s spouse, the second part is never seeing or communicating with the lover again, and the third part is getting through symptoms of withdrawal after a permanent separation takes place. Granted, that’s not the way most affairs end. In most affairs after the passion peaks, the spouse and lover simply drift apart, the victimized spouse usually never finds out about it and the lover is often still in the picture, occasionally getting back together again with the unfaithful spouse. Some affairs are discovered by the spouse, but even after discovery, the affair often continues unabated until it dies a natural death. If that’s the way your affair ends, even if your marriage survives, it will probably not amount to much. You may feel that after an affair a marriage doesn’t amount to much anyway. But the way I suggest ending an affair in …

Continue reading »

Coping with affair

Number of View: 253 Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also be damaging, destructive, painful, time-wasting and demeaning. Affairs inevitably hurt someone – and frequently they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any. Some affairs of course end happily for the couple – let’s face it, plenty of good second marriages began as illicit romances – but the vast majority of extra-marital liaisons don’t end in a new marriage or relationship. So, starting an affair is not a brilliant step to take – and yet people do it all the time. Can affairs help a marriage? Mostly, no. People ask this question to justify what’s happening in their lives. But in my experience an affair only helps a marriage in two situations. Where one person in the marriage hates sex and is relieved that the partner gets sexual satisfaction elsewhere. So, a blind eye is turned and as long as the affair doesn’t get too emotional, the original relationship is preserved. When a married person has a fling with someone but learns through the experience that he or she is still in love with the marital partner and is far better off …

Continue reading »

The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Number of View: 265The Truth About Why Men Cheat     WebMD Feature from “Redbook” Magazine    By Nicole Yorio Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity. What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife’s point of view. Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask the guys? he thought. So for his new book, The Truth About Cheating, Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings: 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated. So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. “Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex,” Neuman says. “But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how …

Continue reading »

Why Men Cheat

Number of View: 519 March 18, 2010, 10:44 AM Why Men Cheat One man’s unfiltered, unadulterated explanation. Well, maybe a little adulterated. By Anonymous More from this author I’ll tell you why I cheat. I need to. Infidelity makes me remember things. The details that expand to fill my life (my upcoming performance reviews, the aches and pains of training, the recovery of my 401(k) ) and the ones that deaden it (my guilt, my smug self-satisfaction, my fake epiphanies about my progress in this life) —all of that drops away when I look down at the naked spine of an unfamiliar woman, twisting slightly in the late-afternoon sunlight streaming onto the sheets of a Hampton Inn in some nameless suburb. This is the most absolute choice I can make. I am there on my own. Against every code, rule, and set of mores I pretend to obey. Against better judgment, against every lesson of hindsight and every shard of wisdom that comes with age, I have no regrets in that moment, because I am naked, or without pants, and I have chosen to be there. I have voted by my presence, declared it, and I feel the blood moving …

Continue reading »