His view, her view of split do not match

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His view, her view of split do not match

ADELE HORIN

July 5, 2010/The Sydney Morning Herald

SEPARATED couples often see their relationship in starkly different ways and disagree on key aspects – from the level of conflict between them to the number of nights children spend in each parent’s house, a study shows.

In some cases, one partner might describe the post-separation relationship as friendly and co-operative while the other says it is fearful and full of conflict.

“For many couples there is no such thing as a separation – there is ‘his’ separation and ‘hers’,” said the study’s lead author, Bruce Smyth, associate professor in the Australian Demographic and Social Research Institute at the Australian National University.

The not-yet-released study, based on 5046 people, assesses the impact of child support rules begun between 2006 and 2008.

A sub-sample of 1064 former couples also sheds light on how each report the same events differently. It found almost three-quarters of people (mostly mothers) said they accepted less child support than they were owed did so to reduce conflict with former partners.

However, the study also found almost half those who paid more child support than required did so out of a sense of fairness.

Only a minority of parents is manipulating the new child support rules to try to influence the sums paid, the study found.

Under the changes, child support payments are reduced when children spend at least one night a week with the non-resident parent. There was concern financial considerations alone would motivate non-resident parents to seek more time with children, and resident parents to resist.

The report reveals in one-fifth of former couples one partner reported a friendly or co-operative relationship while the other partner reported it was distant, conflicted or fearful. “Fear and co-operation may well go hand-in-hand,” said Dr Smyth, who will report on some of the findings at the Australian Institute of Family Studies conference this week.

Half the couples chose the same descriptor of their relationship and agreed on the level of conflict over the previous year.

The biggest gap between former partners was in perceptions of how much “extra” money the payers contributed above their regular child support for items such as school fees, uniforms and books and medical expenses.

“This additional money is dad’s way of showing he loves his kids. But the mums rarely … mention it,” Dr Smyth said. “For mums the extra is a small part of what’s needed to raise the children.”

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