Married woman feeling tortured after husband walked out

Number of View: 346Hi Gilbert, I saw your email addresses on steadymarriages.com and I decided to email right away because I’m having a very difficult time coping with the fact that my husband left me 2 weeks ago, He told me in person that he will be filing divorce papers and has no intention to reconcile our marriage. I feel truly devastated, alone and hurt. I also feel like we didn’t try everything to save the marriage, such as counseling or better communication methods. My husband  says its too late for that now because “he’s over it, moving on and emotionally checked out”. My husband  was married once before to someone he had been in a 5 year relationship with and then they were married briefly and divorced because as he put it, they “just weren’t meant to be”. I have never been married, but I am the only child of divorced parents. We do not have any children, but we do have an apartment, two cats and what feels like a lifetime of memories. Since we got married, I have to admit that its been a bit of a struggle because his immediate family lives here in the same town as …

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27 Healthy Habits of Happiness

Number of View: 215 How do we heighten our happiness?  There are many ways and one size does not fit all.  Below I discuss what has worked for me and those closest to me – how a small group of us went from downbeat and drained to a happy and hopeful in a few short years. Look for happiness in the right places. – When we’re young we look for happiness in drugs, sex, alcohol, parties, fast cars, extreme sports, etc.  Then when we get a little older, we look for happiness in more ‘mature’ ways – a stable partner, romantic getaways, walks along the beach, jazz music, a night at the bar with some friends.  Do they work?  Do these things make us happy?  Sure they do.  They raise our happiness temporarily.  But people have a baseline of inner happiness.  Certain events and possessions, like an unexpected windfall, might raise or lower our happiness momentarily, but soon we return to our inner baseline.  The key is to gradually raise this baseline.  Enjoy the moment, but don’t completely ignore long-term goals.  What will you be proud to have accomplished, or disappointed that you didn’t do, five years from now? Read The Happiness Project. …

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Stages of Divorce Recovery for Men

Number of View: 481 27th August 2009 By Dr. Robin Goldstein Many people are surprised to learn that a majority of divorces are initiated by women. Up to two thirds of divorces are filed by women. The fact that men are deeply affected by divorce, especially if they did not choose that solution, is not hard to understand. Myths persist that men are less in need of the comfort and support that a stable relationship provides but this is not the case. While our society continues to teach men to hide or avoid expression of their feelings, those feelings do not go away. They often appear intensely when a man is abandoned by a spouse or partner. As a psychologist, I frequently work with men whose partners have left them. They are often surprised by the level of anguish they experience. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to hear men say that they have thought of suicide, usually for the first time in their lives. That men can have extreme reactions should not come as a surprise. Almost every week there is a story somewhere in the media of a man who has taken the life of a partner who has rejected …

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Divorced woman seeking advice on maintenance issue

Number of View: 252 Hi Gilbert,I would like to have some advice regarding my case. I am with my ex husband since year 2003 and we were married in 2007. We just had a ROM ceremony and that is it. Over the years he had never suggested a customary wedding, nor plan to go for our wedding photography shoot. Seriously my family and friends weren’t supportive over my decision to marry this man. He was abusive towards me since 2004, but every time I would just forgave him after he apologized and promised he will not do it again. However there is always a next time… Just 3 months after our marriage, we had a big fight as he stole from my shop and also borrowed $5k from a neighbor to pay off his gambling debts. After the quarrel, he left our rented flat and told my brother when my brother asked to meet him up that he wanted to end the marriage. However, during this time I had an ectopic pregnancy. Again he came back say how sorry he was  and I have forgiven him. I continue to run my shop and he work for a friend, and in …

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