Divorce, broke, jobless and depressed…

Number of View: 523 Hi Gilbert, I came across your steadymarriages blog by accident and was relieved to find something like that. Was hoping if you can offer me some advice. Sorry in advance if this email is too long-winded. I was divorced with my ex-wife in 2008. At that point I was already in financial difficulty due to poor financial management and high medical bills for myself (was involved in a serious traffic accident) and my father (cancer). I was under a lot of pressure at that time and was suffering from depression. Also due to the accident, I lost my job. I do not want to make any excuses for myself and made many bad decisions at that point in time. Because I could not afford a lawyer, the divorce was mainly handled by my ex-wife’s lawyer. I did not contest any of the terms despite my financial position and unemployment. I thought things finally took a turn for the better when I was offered a job in Dubai. So I agreed to the terms and wanted to get away quickly. Unfortunately, just as I was about to join the company, it folded and I ended up without …

Continue reading »

Separated Woman Seeking Legal Advice On Daughter’s Shared Access

Number of View: 193 Hi Gilbert, Your website has been most informative. I’ve a question regarding interim custody. Currently separated from my husband and I’ve interim custody of our 1-year-old girl, with him having access on Saturday and Sunday,10am to 8pm, no overnight access. Especially if I were to return to work in future, I hardly would have time with my girl, except after work.  And also I would like to bring my girl overseas, and I guess the access bit has to state that, because I know my husband will not allow any casual negotiation about that He mentioned that he  will be travelling overseas for 2 weeks and said that my sister-in-law and mother-in-law  will be fetching our girl instead and taking care of her on his behalf. I don’t have confidence that my sister-in-law (SIL) and mother-in-law (MIL) can take care of my girl.  Can I refuse?  What does the court order provide for? In addition, I would be interested in the support group, if it is available. Thank you in advance. Regds, Theresa ************* Dear Theresa, The access of the child is more for your husband. So if your husband is not around, it defeats the …

Continue reading »

Divorce – not the end of the world

Number of View: 389We  have  so far assisted  more than a hundred people whose marriages have broken down since we started this  service more than six months ago. The requests for counselling support from this needy group has exceeded those who are jobless. This is understandable as our country continues to grapple  with work stress and societal expectations. Twenty percent of our jobless clients are  also divorced as many could not work properly after a divorce and chose to leave their profession either to take some time out to nurse their hurt or sort out their  bruised emotions. As our society progresses and both women and men have equal opportunities to excel at the work places, there is less ground for our women  to rely on the men for livelihood. Nowadays, women give up the marriages after facing intense challenges in their relationship – without really having to consider the financial aspect of their break up. Moreover, our Women’s Chapter has favoured women all along and maintenance is properly exacted on the husbands here so that the single-parent mum and kids are carefully look after. The state will not want to be caught in looking after the welfare of the …

Continue reading »

Life After Litigation For Divorced Dads

Number of View: 224 By Joseph E. Cordell Adapted from “Divorce Full Force“ Congratulations to all you divorced dads! No matter how difficult or smooth your travels were through divorce court litigation, it’s always nice to breathe a sigh of relief once you have the court-certified copy of your decree in hand and your last attorney bill has been paid. You may have won some battles, you may have lost some battles, but at least the first part of your divorce is over. That’s right. Just the first part of divorce has concluded. The reality is that divorced dads and their ex-wives now have an invisible umbilical cord tying them together the rest of their lives. Six years after your divorce, did you get a raise? Then it’s likely your ex-wife will file to modify child support. Odds are one of you will remarry, which brings the potential of relocation into question leading to entirely new court proceedings. Even after your children are emancipated, your child support payments are through, and legal issues can no longer be pursued, it is almost a guarantee that you will still have to deal with your ex-wife. If your daughter gets married, who pays …

Continue reading »

Online counselling session with a client going through marital problem

Number of View: 374  At least 30% of our clients preferred online counseling and today we have reproduced, with permission,   one of such transcript session here. We receive an average of ten such requests weekly on a range of issues plaguing the stress-filled modern living population. Sally (not her real name) has  requested for counseling on  her marital problem with one of our counselor – Patsy. Most of our online counselling sessions are done via email only and we require more counsellors to assist us in this area. If you are a qualified counsellor, feel free to email me at gilbert@transitioning.org for a discussion on how best you can help out. Sally: Thanks, I really need that offer to translate my thoughts to a language that he can understand. I always wander what did I do wrong that made him so angry with me? I may not be the perfect wife, but he is also not the perfect husband either. Counsellor: Sally, there will never be a perfect wife or husband. We all come in a package – all the good and  bad, strengths and weaknesses. It is really a lot of give and  take in a relationship. I supposed many things …

Continue reading »

Shared Parenting Divorce: Fact or Fiction ?

Number of View: 270By Julie Garrison Special to DadsDivorce.com Society needs to be educated on the necessity of shared parenting and the innumerable benefits it affords to children. If not, children will continue to be denied the foundation of an equal relationship with both of their parents. There are longstanding attitudes about shared parenting that have influenced the public and the present family law system. Most of these attitudes are fiction and need to be debunked.   Fiction: Most children are satisfied with the amount of time that they are allowed to spend with their fathers after their parents divorced. Fact: Most children say that they would like more time with their dads. The main reason that a child doesn’t want to spend more time with his dad is because he feels like an interloper in his father’s new life. If he saw his father more often, the child would feel more included as a part of the family, instead of feeling like a “white elephant” of a previous marriage who drops in every other weekend. Read Related Article: The Importance Of Shared Parenting   Fiction: Children don’t want to live part-time in both parents’ homes, going back and forth. …

Continue reading »

Unhappy wife contemplating divorce with indifferent husband

Number of View: 468We have been married for 17 years. We are quite different in family and educational  background –  just like East and West. Unfortunately, the fusion of East and West didn’t work  well for the last 3 over years. I sort of knew when we were courting that maybe I shouldn’t marry him but I guessed love blinded me, in addition he told me that I should give him a chance. With his sincere wordings, I married him.  I was 30 and he was 27  then. We have 2 girls, age 14 and 10. So far, I think the girls adapted well with both our East and West teachings and thinking. He speaks Mandarin and I speak English to them. So the kids have the benefit of being  effectively bi-lingual. But the 4 of us hardly have a conversation where we can exchange ideas in a common language!  He claimed that he can’t express well in English. I guess he forgotten that he used English to court and win me over in his younger days. Fortunately, we both share the same dialect group. But my hokkien is not world class standard! Recent years when our relationship deteriorated, I …

Continue reading »