Separate lives: Make Her Right

Number of View: 211Separate lives January 20, 2011, The Sun-Herald Three weeks before Christmas my partner and I separated, with her moving out of our home, taking our 10-month-old daughter. This was, and continues to be, a traumatic experience for both of us but, as any parent who has been through the process knows, the hurt of a failed relationship is magnified exponentially when it also means a loss of daily contact with your child. I won’t get into the rights and wrongs of my situation but with more than 44,000 children affected by divorce in Australia in 2007 – according to the Bureau of Statistics – I’m writing about it because it’s been brought home to me just how many men are in, or have been in, my position. As one of my friends, who’s also going through a separation from his wife and children, wrote to me, “It is pain, pure and primal and it’s worst when I have to drop my boys back to their mum.” There are few lonelier sounds than the echoes of an empty house previously filled with the voice of a child, especially at this time of year, but it’s one fathers are …

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“Divorce sucks!” – Single Dad

Number of View: 577This is a comment in response to an article “The impact of divorce on children” posted online on the divorce support meetup site:-  Let me start by saying that Gilbert has posted some resource materials for us to read and I believe there is no ill  intentions in  making us feel bad.  I don’t believe he is imposing his view point  on us –  it’s just an article from an American source.  On second reading of the article,  I just found that it’s not so well written, being over dramatic and not being moderate in its views.  And we have to note it’s an American perspective.  Where I believe divorce is more prevalent than in Singapore, and they also can be drama mamas or papas.  On the first reading I just thought hmmm …. interesting.  Certainly made me more conscious of my situation.  I have a 9 year old daughter who don’t live with me, but I see her 3 times a week.  Thankfully she does not display intolerable negative behavior as describe in the article.  I do have my trying moments with her. I am sharing my thoughts here and  I will likely offend some but it’s not meant …

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What Can I Do If I Can’t See My Kids?

Number of View: 232By Jennifer M. Paine Attorney, Cordell & Cordell We’ve all heard the stories and unfortunately, some of you are living it right now: your ex-spouse is ignoring the ordered visitation agreement and is keeping the kids from you. You go to pick them up, she won’t let them leave the house. You are supposed to have Thanksgiving with the kids this year, she took them to see her relatives. The cops won’t do anything when you call. You don’t want to break into her house and forcefully take the kids. So what can you do when your ex is blatantly ignoring your parenting time? First, you must bring this issue to the court’s attention if you want to enforce your ordered rights. Your court will not enforce its order unless a party brings to the court’s attention something that needs enforcing – there are simply too many orders, and too many things that happen beyond the purview of the bench, for the court to do otherwise. How you bring this issue to the court’s attention, however, will depend on the severity of the situation – was it willful? A legitimate misunderstanding? A one-time occurrence? In addition to …

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“Ultimately, divorced or not, one has to grow as a person…”

Number of View: 196Hi Pauline, thanks for your willingness to be interviewed online, here’s the questionaire:- Tell us abit about yourself, how long were you married and any kids? I was married from the year 2000 to 2009 and have 2 kids. You have told me that currently you are divorced – what were the reasons and how did your husband cope with the divorce? He had lust issues and we attended numerous counselling sessions. The counselor asked me to leave him because he thought I was in an abusive relationship and he didn’t seem to show any form of repentance after years of counselling. How about your kids – what are their responses so far? They were happy to see their mother smile again and felt relieved that they will never have to face his anger and abusive treatment again. Do they miss their father and will you allow them to visit the kids regularly? They don’t miss him at all. I did allow him to visit them regularly and will continue to. However, he traumatised them during access times and I have to help him to rebuild trust and relationship with the children over and over again until the …

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Husband facing painful divorce after 22 years of marriage

Number of View: 936Hi Gilbert Just wanted to share my story. After  trying to work things  out over the last few years, my wife of 22 years and a friend for 32 years has decided to call it quits and asked for a divorce. Although I am not keen for it to proceed, knowing my wife…once a decision is made…there is usually no turning back … as she would have thought through most angles and seeked advice prior to even broaching the subject ,  She feels that we share very little in common and our  souls do not  resonate with each other…. I think we have both changed significantly over the years. I guess we have also drifted apart slowly but surely all these years with nothing much to share in common. She has become a lot more spiritual / wanting to connect with the inner being while I have progressed less so in  that  direction. She probably has also been able to meet and befriend more like minded  beings in her work and studies. Unfortunately, she is not keen on counseling –  I have suggested this many times in the past but she felt that we should come to …

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Divorced Man’s 18 Unsuccessful Attempts To See His Son

Number of View: 369Thanks to my FB friend Catherine and also Wanbao for their help in publishing this article on the national mandarin newspaper on 24 Dec 2010. I have translated it to English as follows – Sub-heading – “Christmas Makes The Heart Fonder. Ex-Spouse Engages In Disappearing Act” Main heading – “Divorced Man’s 18 Unsuccessful Attempts To See His Son” Despite having a court order for access to his son, one man’s 18 attempts to see his son ended up in vain as ex-spouse engaged in “disappearing act” with son. This 41-year-old man lives in Sembawang and was given Joint Custody of his 12-year-old son by the Family Court. The Care & Control rights goes to his ex-spouse with him being given twice-weekly access by the Family Court However gradually, the man realised it was becoming tougher to see his son. For the past 8 weeks, he has been trying to reach out to his son, but all his efforts were in vain and he was devastated. Tomorrow is Christmas day, yet the man is unable to see his son, hence he hopes that through this newspaper report, his ex-spouse will show some mercy and allow him to spend …

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Midlife crisis: Myth or fact?

Number of View: 278In midlife, we recognise our failings and delusions. This awareness can be crushing or motivating – the trick is to make the most of it. He’s paunchy, with a grey ponytail and an orange tan. He drives a new red convertible. In the passenger seat is his girlfriend, who’s too young to remember Doctor Who before David Tennant. We recognise the stereotype right away: the midlife crisis, in leather pants and tight shirt. The idea of a midlife crisis is a common one. The new sports car, the under-dressed squeeze, a trip to Tuscany seeking rustic authenticity – all are signs of some profound middle-aged dissatisfaction or frustration. But is this a real malaise? People told my friend Sara* the second half of the thirties was ”a real bitch”. And they were right, she says. She’s more tired, more often – and her choices seem heavier on her shoulders. “I haven’t bought a sports car or started taking any medication,” she says, “but I am struggling to tread lightly and that blessed sense of invincibility is as good as gone.” She won’t call it a midlife crisis but the signs are there: tiredness, anxiety, frustration. She feels …

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Welcome to the new Singapore – public nudity

Number of View: 784The recent surge of nudity, streaking and promiscuity, signs of a more liberal generation, has everyone scratching their heads in this once prudish city. A USEFUL message to greet the New Year today in Singapore could have read something like this: “Caution! Visitors to this island are advised to be careful of a mysterious syndrome that drives victims to shed off all their clothes in public.” It could be timely preparation, given the recent surge of such happenings as a more liberal generation leaves its mark on this once prudish city. The government had long hoped for a new vibrancy to Singapore into the ranks of a top world city. Well, in recent years, it has got a little of that wish – but not all to its liking. As promiscuity rises, one phenomenon has almost everyone scratching his head. Amidst reports of a teenage girl selling her soiled underwear online and a young trainee teacher having sex with a 12 and a 15-year-old girl, interest centred on public nudity, including the following cases: – * A man in his 20s went buck naked into a fast-food outlet to buy coffee (his custom was refused); * A …

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