Husband Considering Divorcing Possessive Wife

Number of View: 211Hi Gilbert, I refer to your article “Are you a Victim of Emotional Abuse?” (http://www.steadymarriages.com/?p=551) and needs some professional advice from your group of counselors as to how I should move on. I met my wife in the year 2004 and we got married in August, 2008. Some background information about my spouse – she is the same age as me, 28 years old, and a widow with a child when I met her. Due to her past marriage which is deemed as an unhappy one by her, she has become a very possessive woman without much trust in the people around her. She also has a history of depression. As for myself, I’m just a normal person who has a pretty decent circle of friends. Since the period I got together with my spouse, she has restricted my circle of friends or contacting friends of the opposite sex – even before marriage. If I ever got into contact with any person of the opposite sex, she will become suspicious and questioned if there’s any special relationship between the lady and I. She will also keep wanting me to “report” to her where I am, what I …

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Affair: A Roomful of Yearning and Regret

Number of View: 319By WENDY PLUMP, The New York Times Published: December 9, 2010 NOT long ago, the friend of a friend spent the night in a hotel room, which is sometimes what you do when you find out your spouse has been having a yearlong affair. His flight was sadly predictable — it’s all many of us are capable of after discovering such a betrayal — though I am sure he now realizes that mere movement is not a fix for that kind of agony. I know this for two reasons: No. 1, I have had an affair; No. 2, I have been the victim of one. When you unfurl these two experiences in the sunlight for comparison, and measure their worth and pain, the former is only marginally better than the latter. And both, frankly, are awful. I recently offered my cheated-upon view of things to my acquaintance, who has returned every night for a week to that hotel because he cannot bear to look at his wife. A couple of years ago I offered the other side to a friend when she was considering having an affair. Start, I suggested to her, by picturing yourself in the …

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The Higher Risks of Cohabitation

Number of View: 466The Higher Risks of Cohabitation Updated December 19, 2010, 07:00 PM Sharon Sassler is an associate professor in the department of policy analysis and management at Cornell. Previously married people have probably heard the warning that divorce rates are even higher in second marriages. But I ask you, how could remarriage possibly be any worse? After all, 100 percent of marriages ended unhappily among the currently divorced. Second marriages on average cannot possibly fare any worse statistically. Just as with marriage rates overall, remarriage rates have declined. Divorced individuals are increasingly choosing cohabitation as an alternative to marriage. Living together is sometimes believed to be a safer, if less formal, relationship. But the reality is that dissolution rates are higher among cohabiting couples than remarried couples. According to results from the National Survey of Family Growth, only 13 percent of cohabitations remained intact (that is, did not make the transition into a marriage or dissolve) after five years; in contrast, 77 percent of couples that remarried were still together five years after the ceremony. The odds of remaining in a long-term partnership are higher when there is a legal tie. As for those who are parents, remarriage …

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Sexless Marriages

Number of View: 789 Intimacy & Sex Dr. Laura Berman Did you know that nearly one in five marriages is considered sexless? A sexless marriage is defined as sex no more than 10 times per year.Not surprisingly, most sexless marriages feature a man who wants more sex and a woman who doesn’t. There are certainly exceptions, but it’s mostly men who are feeling left in the dust sexually. And it usually happens after kids. Here is an excerpt from a funny, but heart-breaking, post on Craig’s List: “Hey married ladies, answer a question for me — is it really such a chore to have sex with your husband? I’m one of the many husbands (possibly wives) out there who’s kids tripped over the cord on the sex machine, ripping the plug right out of the wall. That humming and sputtering sound you hear is the machine slowly grinding it’s way to a gear freezing halt, its future destination: the appliance graveyard under the sink where the Salad Shooter currently resides. Somebody help me out here — what do you do when your partner in life is great in every other way, but is a passion(less) fish in the bedroom? While, …

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Singaporean Woman Devastated by Parental Alienation

Number of View: 187 Cheng ArtDecember 11, 2010 at 3:09am  Subject: A letter from a 3rd Singapore adult who was alienated as a child 2 days ago, I received an email from a Singapore FB friend of mine, relating to me her dreadful experience being forced as a child to go through the pain and anguish of Parental Alienation. Till date, she is the 3rid Facebook friend I know who is willing to open up and share her story with us, and I am grateful to her for that. Here’s her story (as per her request, her identity will remain confidential) – “My mother alienated me against my father to devastating effect. I have known for much of my adult life that this was the case but didn’t have a name for it until I read your facebook page. I always thought that it was just something she did. She had an unhappy relationship with my father, though it was not without ground. He was tyrannical, unsupportive and sometimes downright cruel to her. This was all emotinal abuse, never physical. I think emotional is worse in many ways, it’s so invisible and the wounds can run so deep. She would …

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The Dos and Don’ts of Surviving Divorce

Number of View: 245The Survivors Club Guide to Dealing with a Post-Divorce Life By The Survivors Club Staff December 1, 2010 Divorce can be a very confusing, often difficult time. And after the papers have been signed, things have been moved, and lives have been uprooted, nothing every really goes back to being the same. If you’ve recently been divorced, you may find yourself looking for a new home, or managing your finances on your own for the first time. If you have children, then the transition into a single-parent lifestyle can be lonely and complicated. You may even find yourself wondering “what should I do now?” More than 40 percent of marriages in America end in divorce, so you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your struggle A successful recovery after a divorce involves a combination of small steps that together make leaping improvements. The Survivors Club has collected a list of 20 Do’s and Don’ts that can help you move ahead after divorce and guide you to a successful new, unmarried, life. 10 Post-Divorce Do’s Clean Out Your Closest:In any relationship, often you collect a lot of stuff that reminds you of …

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Are you a Victim of Emotional Abuse? (Divorcesupport.about.com)

Number of View: 1769   Question: Are You a Victim of Emotional Abuse? Crazy Making Behavior  Emotional abuse in a marriage is such a covert form of domestic violence and abuse that many people aren’t able to recognize they are a victim. A spouse may have a feeling that something is wrong. They may feel stressed out; a sense of depression; anxiety but they can’t quite identify what is causing those feelings.  Emotional abuse is used to control, degrade, humiliate and punish a spouse. While emotional abuse differs from physical abuse, the end result is the same…a spouse becomes fearful of their partner and begins to change their behaviors to keep their partner happy. The happier their partner, the less domestic violence the spouse has to suffer. By the time a spouse identifies the true problem they have begun to feel as if they are crazy. They will doubt themselves and their own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question their every thought and behavior. Below are some tactics an emotional abuser will use: Isolating a spouse from friends and family. Discourage any independent activities such as work; taking classes or activities with …

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