Woman facing domestic violence from Japanese husband

Number of View: 353 Hi Gilbert, I’ve been married about 3 years more.  My husband is a very hot temper person.  He can  get very angry  for a very small matter eg. he will blow up when I  asked him to catch a cockroach at our house.   My husband  is a Japanese –  I understand that their culture requires wives to obediently  listen to their husbands. I think he’s also over confident by nature  and tend to look down on  others.  He always insulted me by saying that I am slow, stupid, useless, lousy and hopeless.   I felt hurt, I don’t agree with him that I am slow, stupid, etc. That’s all about the cultural gap.  We also have communication problem as well, he  doesn’t get what I mean and vice versa. But the most serious issue is that he has hit me several times.  I have  considered  divorcing him but I can’t let go. He hit me again last Saturday when my sister was there.  I don’t know what I should do to maintain this marriage.  I feel very helpless. I hope that someone can guide me on this matter.  Thank you and looking forward to your reply. Regards, Sally (not her real …

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Proposed changes to women’s chapter: mandatory counselling

Number of View: 279 I applaud  the proposed changes to our women’s chapter especially the one on mandatory counselling for divorced couples with children below age 21 years old. Of course, the enforcement of maintenance payment is also a crucial change for  women who normally have custody of the kids.   It is hope that when calculating maintenance payment for their ex-spouse and kids, the family court can also look into the ability of the ex-husbands to pay the enforced amount or else they will keep defaulting through no fault of theirs.  I have heard stories of how a divorced guy has to pay maintenance of $400 a month to his ex-wife when he only earns about $1000 each month. It is no wonder that he keeps defaulting on his maintenance repayment. The ability to pay is crucial to lowering the default percentage of maintenance repayment here.  As our divorce rate continues to climb and as many as one in three marriages will end in a divorce,  my fear is that children of dysfunctional families will feel helpless and suffer the damaging  consequences of their parents’ decision. I have never seen so many  single-parent families before in my life struggling to survive in a …

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Wife left me because of my low pay package

Number of View: 427 My name is Peter and I am 46 years old. My wife and I now live separately and the divorce will be finalised after 3 years of separation according to the Singapore’s divorce law. I honestly did not see it coming until about 2 months ago. My wife wanted a divorce and the reason  she gave me at that time was that she is feeling very  tired and earned  more than I do. It hit me real hard and naturally my ego was seriously bruised. I’m totally lost now and felt very useless. Perhaps, my situation is common in Singapore currently  as our women  earn more than their husbands given the equal opportunities available for both gender. But the fact is both of us have had our good times when we were married. Who doesn’t want to give their wife and family a better life? Its tough and I’ve tried very hard indeed to provide a better lifestyle for the family but I have my limitations.  I have also tried to talk to her to save the marriage but to no avail. YES, I admitted that 3 weeks later when she broke the bad news to me, I …

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Lee Kuan Yew reads poems to his wife

Number of View: 344 The Saturday Profile Days of Reflection for Man Who Defined Singapore By SETH MYDANS Published: September 10, 2010 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/11/world/asia/11lee.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all “SO, when is the last leaf falling?” asked Lee Kuan Yew, the man who made Singapore in his own stern and unsentimental image, nearing his 87th birthday and contemplating age, infirmity and loss.  “I can feel the gradual decline of energy and vitality,” said Mr. Lee, whose “Singapore model” of economic growth and tight social control made him one of the most influential political figures of Asia. “And I mean generally, every year, when you know you are not on the same level as last year. But that’s life.”  In a long, unusually reflective interview last week, he talked about the aches and pains of age and the solace of meditation, about his struggle to build a thriving nation on this resource-poor island, and his concern that the next generation might take his achievements for granted and let them slip away.  He was dressed informally in a windbreaker and running shoes in his big, bright office, still sharp of mind but visibly older and a little stooped, no longer in day-to-day control but, for as long as …

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A plea from a parent to be there for his child

Number of View: 528 Wee Cheng September 12 at 3:05am Reply Hi Everyone, Some of you might have seen the below letter on my post a while ago. For those who have not, I just wish to share with you this letter that I had written. It is to express my deep concern on the Family Court’s decision of blocking me from my son’s life for 6 months, and the consequent negative impact it is now having on him. I emailed this letter to all the 4 major local English papers but none of them is willing to publish it. So I emailed it directly to – the Family Court – the Ministry Of Law and all its ministers – the Ministry Of Education and all its ministers – and also cc to MCYS and all its ministers. hoping that I will receve a favourable response from them… A plea from a parent to be there for his child Lately MCYS has been promoting the nationwide “Dads For Life” movement, emphasizing the importance of fathers in children’s life. I am a divorced parent with joint custody of my son. However, due to changes in rulings of the Family Court and …

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Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Number of View: 217 Top Five Regrets of the Dying 09 September 2010  By Bronnie Ware  For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.  People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.  When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of …

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Maybe it’s your fault

Number of View: 229 Maybe it’s your fault By Jennifer Garth From: The Sunday Telegraph September 05, 2010 12:00AM INSTEAD of blaming your partner when things go wrong, it might be time for a little self-reflection. Authenticity counts “To have a healthy relationship you need to be in touch with your authentic self,” says Anne Hollonds, psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia NSW. “When you have a handle on who you are, you can engage honestly with someone else.” All too often, we inadvertently present a false sense of ourselves to our partners, making it easy to be misunderstood. It doesn’t take long for misunderstandings to pile up. You become hurt and angry because your partner doesn’t understand you, when it’s you who isn’t putting yourself out there in a clear, honest way. What to do: To avoid misunderstandings creating a rift between you and your partner, clear the decks by presenting the real you in an open way. Hollonds suggests using the daily abrasions that occur between you and your partner as opportunities to reflect. Try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, she says. Ask yourself: “How might my partner feel when I react like that? Is there a …

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Gambling addiction has destroyed our marriage

Number of View: 918 Hi Gilbert My divorce is already at the final stage and we now in the process of  allocating our assets.  Yes till today, I still believe that a imperfect marriage is definitely better than a divorce………….if only this is possible. Sigh. Let me elaborate abit more about my unhappy marriage. All these years, I always tell myself to tolerate my spouse, but I realised that I can’t move forward  if I continue to live with him.  He is a gambler and alcoholic, everything he wants is his way and  showing no respect for me at all.  I finally realise  that I am just a tool for him to start a family, to be a father of a so-call “complete family unit”.  Deep inside, there is no such thing as “mutual understanding and sharing or relationship.”  I  have married for 20 years, but  have never really experience the married life like what other couples share.  My spouse is too proud to share his feelings with me, he lies, steal, rob and towards 2005 – 2007, he even abused me physically and forced me to jump out of the window from my 11th storey flat. He called me a …

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