Chinese man converted to be Muslim in marriage but wanted to renounce after divorce

Number of View: 36 Dear Gilbert, Good day to you. I’m very depressed.  I’m a Chinese converted to Muslim when I married my wife. We have a daughter and she is now 20 years old. We are still living under same roof but separated room for almost 15 years. Our irretrievable breakdown in our marriage happened when my daughter was born and when we have any argument my wife would flared up and threaten to commit suicide. Usually, it ended up I will put down myself to apologize and pleaded with her which is not my wrong-doing in the first place.  She would just leave the house for few days leaving my baby girl behind (she doesn’t care that I need to work). She is not working at all even after my daughter was born and I’m the sole breadwinner for the family. I’m not rich or wealthy and earning a miserable income of SGD 1.7k/month before CPF as a storekeeper until today.  I’m been maintaining the house expenses and try my best to raise my daughter up as it is my responsibility to the family. My wife would every month ask for home expense of SGD $1.2k but I didn’t see she maintains the house she doesn’t cook and …

Continue reading »

Woman involved in a violent relationship ending her marriage

Number of View: 527 We fought constantly about his filth and untidyness and the division of household chores, among other issues. He had emotionally vacated the marriage and I also discovered he was involved with his colleague, to whom he would confide his woes (including calling me names) and secretly date, plus show care, assistance and concern towards. On one occasion when we were fighting about his cheating, he physically hurt me: flipped me off the bed with such force that I somersaulted and landed oddly on my back on the floor, restrained my hands when I tried to call the police and slapped me in the face so hard that I instantly fell to my knees from a standing position. Emotionally, I was devastated as I never imagined that he could lay hands on me. After the above incident, I moved out of our HDB flat that very same night, to live with my parents but returned to the marital home about 1-2 months later, with the intention of working at the marriage Out of depression and loneliness, I had found joy again through secretly seeing another man and my husband became suspicious after a while. On one night, …

Continue reading »

Husband letting wife go in a painful divorce and moving on

Number of View: 799 Hi Gilbert, Thanks for asking and the concern. Unfortunately, divorce is still on.  I don’t blame my wife as to whether she really did betray me or not (anyway there’s no way to prove or to find out unless I confront that guy. It would be very stupid of me to do so now). I feel that, as a husband, I have to bear the biggest accountability of the failure of my marriage.  So to make her happy and the last good thing I could do now – I have to let her go.  This makes both of us feel better and still could remain as friends in the future.  Also good for the children too. Anyway, I feel better now after talking to some of my friends. Though still feel a bit lost but I have started planning for my future  – in terms of income and retirement. For sure, I have learned the biggest and painful lesson in my life.  If there is another opportunity of having a second wife in the future, it would definitely be for the much better as by then I will know how to love a woman. Well, life …

Continue reading »

Mother with two kids contemplating divorce in a loveless sexless marriage

Number of View: 1017Dear Gilbert, I came across your website once searching for advice online for divorce procedures. I would like some advice from you on this before I formally engage a lawyer to take up the case. I would like to provide some background on my marriage. I know my husband for about 14 years. We got married  and have 2 girls. We are each other’s first boy/girlfriend, and thus no prior relationship before that. There are naturally a lot of differences in a relationship and I thought it will all worked out eventually as we have stayed on in the relationship for 7 years before we got married, but it was not like that. My husband is a guy who is totally not romantic and I have come to terms with that. We have agreed that we will not celebrate Valentines, Christmas, anniversaries etc, but only each other’s birthday, but it has become so bad that he brought me to hawker centre for dinner and buy me a weighing scale as birthday present this year. This may sound nitty gritty, but it just shows how far apart our expectations are. We are also in a sexless marriage. I got …

Continue reading »

Divorced father facing homelessness and turning suicidal

Number of View: 1032 Dear Sir, I am writing to you as I have no one else to turn to and neither the HDB nor Family Court is willing to hear me out. I’ve been divorced from my estranged wife and I’ve been rendered homeless since as HDB repeatedly refuses to give me a queue number for their BTO projects saying that my son and I do not form a “proper” family nucleus. In the meantime, the courts have awarded 75% of our matrimonial home to my ex-wife even though I’ve produced proof of her adultery as well as custody of our children to the immoral woman. Hence, I’ve effectively lost faith in our judicial system as it is merely the playground of the rich and influential. She has abused protection orders several times but always never fail to get away with a “slap on the wrist”. An RC member who saw my son sleeping on a couch and myself on the floor together with my dementia mother and schizophrenic sister during “house visits”, they suggested that I see my MP but I’ve seen him 12 times to no avail and to his own ministry for that matter. I’m still …

Continue reading »

Man heartbroken by wife who has an affair and wants a divorce

Number of View: 1008 Hi Gilbert, I’m not sure whether this counselling service would be of any difference for the one that I’ve had before and also if I’m ready for that. It’s hard for me to move on as the memories with my wife still linger in my mind. Those happy thoughts makes it harder for me to let it go. I realised that I do need help but I just couldn’t bring myself to accept that everything is over. Just googled through the internet and successfully found out about this support group. I’m really unsure how to begin but I’m unofficially separated from my wife. We’ve been happily married for 11 years with 1 kid except that I do realised that I can’t controlled my anger but definitely not till the extend of verbally or emotionally abused my wife. Yeap, we do quarrelled sometimes but everything is ok after a few hours. Everything changes early this year when she tried to avoid talking or going out with me and its getting worse early February. She totally shut me out until I received a SMS from her that she wants a divorce!! Its totally heartbreaking and I’m torn into pieces…..and …

Continue reading »

Woman married for 35 years concerned about wayward husband

Number of View: 947 I am Tracy here and feeling very very depressed over my husband’s consistent betrayal. We have been married for almost 35 years and in all these years, its either he is having affairs with divorcees or with married women. He also visited prostitutes in Geylang and do group sex. During the earlier years, he also often indulged in viewing pornography and doing online sex talks with those women over internet. He even got the guts to tell those women that as long the husband returns home, its ok to sleep with any women outside i.e one night stand is no problem to him. Now that we are old, I am 60 and he is 62, he keep making unpleasant remarks about me and say hurting things such as I cannot give him sex anymore, so he needs to find younger women outside. Lately, for the past half year or so he is very engrossed with Whatsapp chatting, always using his hp to do messaging. He used to work part-time, (3 and half days) but now always say he need to work during his days off. Suspect he is seeing women outside for sex…don’t known whether it …

Continue reading »

Mother fears imprisonment due to failure to hand over child to father in a court order

Number of View: 1637 Hi Gilbert, I am writing to you as I had gotten your email from Singapore Support Site for The Divorced. I am not sure if you can help me in my question. I have received a summon to attend Court as I did not allow the Child’s Father to see him. Now the other party wants the Court to imprison me as there was a contempt of the order on my end. The reason I did not follow the order was because I do not feel safe for my boy to be given to him non-supervised for 3 hours. He had made numerous reports to police that I have abused the child etc. And before he has also taken the child away from me refusing to return him and the police were not able to get involved as this is deemed a domestic affair. Please advise me if I will be imprisoned due to this. I still have another 3 children from my previous marriage that I am supporting. In fact, the other party has not been giving me Child Maintenance ever since the birth of his child. He only paid once when I made a …

Continue reading »

Young couple suffers from a sexless marriage and seeking assistance

Number of View: 798 Hi Gilbert I came across your site online while searching for counsellors, and I’m hoping you can help me in some way. I don’t exactly know how this works as I’ve never done this before, but here’s my story in brief. I’m an Indian professional, working and living in Singapore with my Indian husband. He is also working but from home. We both come from well-educated well-to-do families in India, both are 30 years and have been together for the last 7 years – married for last 3. Our story goes smooth – met while in college, then our jobs in India and both decided to do masters from US. I was there for 3 years and he for 2 – he came in a year later. Then after his MBA he got a job in Singapore that he loved, so though I had a very good job in US, I left it to come to Singapore. This was my choice, as we had been living apart for 3 years (got married in between) and I wanted to finally start our life together. I found another job in Singapore and all was set. Life was as …

Continue reading »

Mum with young child feeling anxious and lost before a impending divorce

Number of View: 951 Hi Gilbert Thank you for your reply. Would it be ok if I asked a few more questions? At this moment, I still feel so lost and quite honestly scared. If I’m not a working mother right now, is there any chance my husband can last minute twist his words and not want to give me custody of my daughter? I seriously doubt he would be agreeable to me not refunding his CPF. How does it work if I do not refund his CPF upon a divorce? Does that mean, the CPF portion will auto be refunded to him only when I sell the flat next time? Regarding my child’s maintenance, he said he will give me a small lump sum which will be able to last me till she goes to primary 1. That’s only 2.5 years from now. I asked him then what happens after that? He answered, then he will think again. Can he actually do things this way? I feel my world already crumbling and now the future looks even more depressing. He has already move out from the house. You mentioned that I’m also entitled to maintenance. How does a court rule …

Continue reading »